Knowing Means Choosing

"Ignorance is bliss" vs. "Knowledge is power"

Up until a week ago, with regard to what the cancer was doing in Mom's body, we wrestled with the great tension that exists between these separate trains of thought. Is it better to not know for sure and just get up and enjoy each day as though the cancer is of no concern, OR do we get a test that would give us the information we may or may not want to know - and how does that information change how we live each day? It was a back and forth debate for quite a few days and it seemed that our lack of decisiveness defaulted to the 'ignorance is bliss' route.

Then, last Thursday, Mom became jaundiced and so she scheduled an appointment to meet with Dr. Wroblewski on a trip back to Park Rapids on Tuesday of this week. Dad has been having eye troubles so has been doctoring back in Park Rapids for that as well. It was a dual purpose trip that served to shake us out of the 'ignorance is bliss' mode. Mom's evident jaundice, prompted Dr. Wroblewski to have a blood test done which revealed elevated levels of bilirubin which could indicate a blockage in Mom's system or other liver problems. Dr. W quickly arranged for Mom to have a CT scan back in Fargo on Wendesday a.m.

Yesterday afternoon we received the results of the CT scan which on a positive note, revealed that there was no blockage - this was a blessing because that would most likely cause incredible pain and discomfort and "be a bad way to go" according to Dr. W. However, the CT scan also revealed that the cancer in the liver has spread (causing the jaundice) and has also moved to both of Mom's lungs. It most likely traveled via her bloodstream which indicates the aggressive and unpredictable nature of the cancer. This was especially hard news to hear since we have enjoyed five months of good days and a sense of a sincere hope for recovery.

So, knowledge IS powerful... it has the potential power to paralyze, change our actions, alter our perspective, and evoke fear of the unknown. It bears the burden of making a choice ~ because knowledge also has the power to bring us back to our knees, to a place of gratitude for the gift of the past five months, to the beauty of a life lived each day, and to the truth of God's unfailing goodness along the way.

We continue to trust in that knowledge and the power that it gives us to walk the next steps of this journey - day by day!